I Can’t Do This Alone

Posted on January 10, 2011 by brianssobriety

Through all the years of drinking and doing drugs, I now realize that they were my “crutch” for life and its inevitable problems. Instead of facing life head on, I hid behind a haze of mind and mood altering substances. I always thought that people who didn’t drink or drug like I did were weak. They don’t have the strength to “party” like I do. The biggest problem I had, NOT realizing that I can’t do this alone.

We were not created by God to be alone. From the creation of our beautiful world until Adam and Eve ate of the “forbidden fruit”, (Genesis 3:1-6) God Himself walked with them in the garden. After sin entered into their heart, God was separated from them. What happened next, they became afraid.

When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”“Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” Genisis 3:8-11

See, that’s where it all started. Can we as humans ever mess something up! A beautiful garden, perfectly created and good in the sight of God. And here come man and his wife to mess up the whole thing! I mean, God Himself spending time with them everyday, just walking and talking with them. Their bestest friend! And knowing they should not eat from the single tree in the garden, they disobeyed and did it anyway. And the first result, Their eyes were opened and they became AFRAID.

What are you afraid of. For me, it was fear of not being accepted by others, fear of telling God I was angry with Him, fear of others finding out who I really am, fear of someone knowing I was abused, fear of others making fun of me, and so on…So, instead of turning to God, who always accepts us wherever and whoever we are, I turned to drugs and alcohol, porn and women, searching for the very thing that God was trying to give me all along. A personal relationship with the One who created me.

So I ask, just as God asked Adam, “Who told you?”

Who told you that you are an alcoholic? Who told you that you were a drug addict? Who told you that you are not acceptable? Who told you that you are not good enough? Who told you that you are not pretty enough? Who told you that you can’t accomplish that?  WHO TOLD YOU?

God created each one of us, and God said , “It is good”. God says, “You are good”. Maybe not everything you do is good, but that can all be forgiven. God wants and desires that you come to Him, ask forgiveness for your sins and believe on Christ our Lord, that He died on the cross for your sins so that you can be forgiven.  Hebrews 9:22 says that without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sins. But you don’t have to die this death, Christ shed His blood in your place.

If you want to get clean and sober and STAY that way you have to make the decision that you want to. Have a talk with your Creator and tell him you want to. Tell him you can’t do this on your own and that you need His help. Tell God that you know you have wronged Him as well as others and you need to be forgiven. And ask God for His help.

Now that you’ve done that please seek out a church, pastor or Christian counselor that can help you along your newfound road. Sobtiety is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!

If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!

God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and your continued sobriety!

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EVERYONE LOVES A BABY

Posted on December 22, 2010 by brianssobriety
It’s Christmas again. What’s not to like about Christmas. Lots of family that we don’t get to see everyday. Spending lots of money on gifts. All the decorations, parades and pictures with Santa. Big holiday feasts. Oh yeah, and there’s the baby Jesus. The whole meaning behind the Christmas celebration. I think the reason that Christmas is still “politically correct” is because of the baby Jesus. EVERYONE LOVES A BABY. Right?! I mean, really, what kind of effect can one tiny infant baby have on the earth?
Well let’s see…
Jesus’ birth marks the beginning of a new calendar. Before Him was BC, after His birth is AD. That in itself is a mark left on history that will be there for every generation hereafter to note.
If you note that before Christ, years were recognized by the phrase, “The year of our King”. Check out the old testament of the Bible.
“…It happened in the fifth year of king Rehoboam…” 1Kings 14:25 or “…In the fifth year of Joram the son of Ahab king of Israel…” 1Kings 8:16. and so on….
But after Christ birth we come to a brand new timeline titled Anno Domini (abbreviated as AD or A.D., sometimes found in the form Anno Domine). The term Anno Domini is Midevil Latin, translated as In the year of (the/Our) Lord. It is sometimes specified more fully as Anno Domini Nostri Iesu (Jesu) Christi (“In the Year of Our Lord Jesus Christ”).
Then we have the recorded birth of Christ. My favorite is from the Gospel of Luke, chapter 2. You know, the same one Linus reads in “A Charlie Brown Christmas”.
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman
world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And
everyone went to his own town to register.So Joseph also went up
from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David,
because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register
with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While
they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her
firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because
there was no room for them in the inn.And there were shepherds
living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel
of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and
they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all
the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to
you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”Suddenly a great
company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,“Glory to God in the
highest,and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”When the angels had
left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to
Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us
about.”So they hurried off and
found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.
The shepherds were not at all astonished at a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in the manger. These were poor shepherds who slept outdoors most of the time to keep night watch on their flocks. They lived outdoors. They fully related to a babe in a manger. And at first sight of their King Jesus they probably thought, “Look, He’s one of us! Born just like one of our children, laying on the hay just like our babies when they are born. He’s really just like us.” And they worshipped Him who came to save the world.
I owe my life to God! Without this baby being born, I would still be distant from my Creator. And while isolated away from God I am not a good person at all! Every whim that the Devil comes up with I am subject to follow. Be it drugs, alcohol, sexual perversions, pornography, low self-esteem, cursing, fighting, hatred, hostility, jealousy, greed, stealing, wicked thoughts, and the list goes on and on. But now that the baby came to earth, God incarnate in the flesh, who lived here on earth, was tempted just as we are but remained faultless and sinless, was crucified on the cross, died a human death and was raised on the third day from the grave to ascend to Heaven, I am empowered with the gift of salvation and full of the Holy Spirit so that I have the choice to resist Satan and his schemes.
If you are tired of  being tired, weary of doing what you know is wrong but just can’t seem to stop, drained of energy to do what is right, turn to Jesus! This Child was born for you as well as for me! Just sincerely ask God to forgive you of all your sins, accept his forgiveness that Christ died for and invite Jesus into your heart. It’s that easy! God loves you more than anything and wants to offer you eternal life with Him and a life here on earth free of drugs, alcohol, pornography and all other addictions!If you have just accepted Christ into your life please seek out a church, pastor or Christian counselor that can help you along your newfound road. Sobriety is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!
If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!
God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and your continued sobriety!
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Cleaning the Fridge and Taking out the Trash

Posted on December 1, 2010 by brianssobriety

I was taught right from wrong while growing up. It was literally beaten into me. So, when I decided to start doing drugs at age 11 I knew it was wrong. I knew but didn’t care. I justified it by thinking the punishment couldn’t be any worse than any of the beatings I had received for the last 8 or 9 years. I was tired of my life and wanted something different. Drugs offered me just that. Something different. And the harder the drug, the better it was for me…or so I thought. After my first experience with IV drugs, diluadid, I was hooked. Soon it was tar heroine. After a while I decided that the heroine was getting out of control and I quit. Just like that, quit. Yes I had some withdrawals and they were no fun at all, but when the sickness passed, I was ok. I didn’t touch that boy again for some years. Bouts of cocaine and speed came next. I prided myself on the sheer ability I had to quit. But I continued to smoke, drink and do pills excessively. My rationalization, I know exactly what they will do, what to expect and how much I could do. I tried to quit these but couldn’t.

The Bible refers to this state as being “in the world”. These are worldly thoughts and actions. 1 John 2:16 says’ “For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.” (New Living Translation) Another version says it like this, ” The lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride of life…” My craving for physical pleasure overwhelmed me. Once you get caught in this trap, escape is necessary but impossible. You want out but can’t find the door. God’s word also tells of Moses and his desire not to enjoy “the pleasures of sin for a time” ( Hebrews 11:25) All these drugs could make me feel good…but only for a time. They always wear off and leave you empty and wanting more.

The only way to be freed of this snare is to make peace with your Creator, God Almighty and in so doing find peace for yourself. And the only way to do this is through His Son Jesus Christ. The only true fulfilment I have ever found for myself is God’s Holy Spirit living in me, knowing that everything I have ever done has been forgiven and that God accepts me…just as I am. Don’t try to clean  up for God. Come to Him just as you are. He is the one that will clean you up!

Think about a refrigerator full of rotten vegetables and putrid meat. You clean the fridge, throwing all that nasty stuff in the trash. Wipe down the inside and get it all clean. GREAT! But you sill have one problem. Now your house stinks because of all the rotten garbage in that can! You have to take out the trash. If you are the fridge, God cleans you out and makes you spotless but you may still have a little work to do taking out all that old garbage and getting rid of it. But don’t worry, God gives you His Spirit to help you.

Let’s see if I can walk you through this.

Step 1. Have a heart to heart talk with God. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Just tell God that you know you have done wrong by Him, you have wronged others as well as yourself. Tell Him your genuinely sorry. Ask Him to forgive you. Tell Him that you accept His gift of salvation through Christ His Son.  Ask Him for help. Just use your own words and lay it all out in the open. There, you did it!

Step 2. Find a Church, pastor, counselor or just a good solid Christian brother or sister that can direct you in the right direction to grow in your newfound Christian life. Remember that everything may not change overnight. As you grow in your walk with Christ you life will change and God will help you get all the trash taken out.

Your on the right track. Now, if you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!

God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and your continued sobriety!

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What I’m Thankful for 2010

Posted on November 21, 2010 by brianssobriety

I have so much to be thankful for this year!

First of all I’m thankful for God’s mercy and grace toward me and all mankind. For His patience. His forgiveness. His guidance and direction in my life.

I’m thankful for my family. The best couple of kids a dad could have! My sister and brothers. My mom.

Thankful for my church and my family in Christ there!

I give thanks for my house. My neighbors and friends.

I am thankful for my job!

I am especially thankful that I live in America. We have freedoms that many people can not enjoy!

I am thankful that I have a Bible. At a moments notice I can hear God’s voice and gain wisdom about His divine will.

I am thankful for the Holy Spirit who lives in me!

I am thankful that the founding fathers of our Great Nation set this country as a Christian society, building on the Cornerstone on Christ Jesus.

I am thankful for the bounty of food that we have for Thanksgiving.

Heavenly Father, You give us so much throughout the year. I do pray that during this Thanksgiving season we do not forget to give praise and honor to you. That we remember your sacrifice for all mankind. The sacrifice of your only Son. Father, I proclaim with my mouth that Christ Jesus came to earth in bodily form, was born of a virgin, lived here and died the sacrificial death on the cross for me. On the 3rd day He was raised from the grave, walked with the disciples and ultimately ascended to heaven to prepare a place for all who believe. Heavenly Father, I know I have sinned against you and I need your forgiveness. Please wash my sins from me. Cast them as far as the East is from the West. Thank you Father God! In Christ Holy name I pray. amen

If you prayed this prayer for the first time, please know that God has heard you and that He loves you. He has forgiven any sin you have ever done. No matter what is was or how bad it was, YOU ARE FORGIVEN. God also wants you to forgive yourself. Sometimes this is harder than accepting His forgiveness. Right now just focus on the fact that you are forgiven. Tell God thank you! Sing to Him if you want to!

Now that you’ve done that please seek out a church, a pastor or a Christian counselor that can help you with you new Christian life. Freedom from addiction is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!

If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!

God bless each and every one of you who share the struggle of addiction and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you life and live a victorious life free from any addictions!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sobriety Journal Entry from Nov 2007

Posted on November 6, 2010 by brianssobriety

When this was penned I had been walking with Christ for about 3 months and sober for about the same. The following entry was written about mid November 2007.

 

” The thought process defines a large portion of who we are. When faced with a choice this truth becomes most evident and a decision must be made. ‘Do I choose right or wrong?’ This is the point at which our moral values are tested and our integrity is either strengthened or weakened. If I choose what is right, just and good then I gain within myself a little more faith, some spiritual peace and some inner strength. If I willingly choose the wrong path, I run the risk of jeopardizing all the recovery I have worked so hard to obtain. If I choose poorly, the next choice comes into play. ‘Do I get sober again or try to justify my wrong doing?’

I choose to remain in recovery, to passionately hold my sobriety and to embrace serenity.”

When I re-read these journal entries now I recall the struggle going on within myself. I was determined to stay clean and sober. Each day I felt better about being off drugs and alcohol. And it all revolved around the decision to let God rule my life, accept the forgiveness that only comes through Christ and to live my newfound life free of addictions.

To paraphrase, it’s like this. You have been convicted in a court of law for every sin you have ever done. The verdict is guilty! The sentence for your crimes, DEATH! You are strapped to the table with IVs in you arms and the lethal injection is flowing. Just before the fatal combination of drugs reaches you body, God’s only son, Jesus Christ steps in and says, “Hold it, I will take the punishment for him/her.” They stop the mortal drug IV, take you off the table and strap Christ back down in you place. As the toxic injection reaches Jesus’ arm, the judge says to you, ” Since this man has taken your place I declare you adjudicated of all crimes. You are free to go.”

It’s that easy. If you will honestly ask God to forgive you of your sins, confess Christ Jesus as your Lord and Savior and receive the atonement that Jesus Christ gave his life for you for the forgiveness of your sins you will be saved. God loves you more than anything and wants to offer you eternal life with Him and a life here on earth free of drugs, alcohol, pornography and all other addictions!

If you have just accepted Christ into your life please seek out a church, pastor or Christian counselor that can help you along your newfound road. Sobriety is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!

If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!

God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and your continued sobriety!

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Put It Away

Posted on November 2, 2010 by brianssobriety

Some years ago Child Protective Services took my 5-year-old son from me because I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I felt at the time that I had been wronged! There were no drug allegations against me. How could they just step into my life,  give me a drug test and take my son from me? What an injustice!

To regain custody of my son I had to attend an outpatient rehab. This seemed to drag on forever. First there were no vacancies in the program. Then there was a lack of funding to get me in. Then my son’s mom was already attending so I couldn’t go at the same times as she. Just when I was giving up, I wrote these words in my journal.

“And now here I am, sober for almost two months and the world has turned on me! I knew it would happen sooner or later. Trials always manifest themselves when you try to do good. When you try to do the right thing. Even so, I continue on my path of sobriety with the hope that I will regain some of what I had lost. Only time will tell.”

One night as I was talking to my son on the phone he asked me very sincerely,”Daddy, why can’t I come home.” Through my tears I could only answer, “Because daddy has some problems.” To that my son gave me the most beautiful words I have ever heard. “Daddy, just take those problems and put them away.”

To a five-year old that’s how easy it is. Just put them away. Little did he know he was speaking straight from the Holy Scriptures.

“That you are to put away, in relation to your earlier way of life, the old man, which has become evil by love of deceit;  And be made new in the spirit of your mind,  And put on the new man, to which God has given life, in righteousness and a true and holy way of living.” Ephesians 4:22-24

“Being conscious that our old man was put to death on the cross with him, so that the body of sin might be put away, and we might no longer be servants to sin.” Romans 6:6

And now I am here to tell you that it is that easy. God has the strength that we lack. All you have to do is make a conscious decision that what you are doing is wrong, ask God to forgive you and ask Him for Jesus Christ to fill your heart and life. “if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised  him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

Now that you’ve done that please seek out a church, pastor or Christian counselor that can help you along your newfound road. Sobriety is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!

If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!

God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and for your continued sobriety!

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Notes from October 2007 Journal

Posted on October 19, 2010 by brianssobriety

October 2007 I had been clean and sober for a ninety days but that time seemed an eternity to me. I had the daily battles. Funny, I say daily but it was every second of every minute of every hour of every day that I made the “choice” to be clean and sober. And yes, it is a choice. A conscious decision.

The following is a page from my journal from October 2007:

       ”  The decision-making process lets each individual use their free will to choose what is right or wrong for themself. Of course good and bad may differ from one person to the next. What is okay for me could be lewd to the next.

The beauty of this reality is that we each are enabled with our values which let us decide what is true and just. We also have the ability to justify our wrong-doings to appease our own conscious mind. Once this is mastered, we can say or do anything we desire and still feel within ourself that we are honorable.  “

After many years of  alcoholism and drug abuse I had mastered the art of justification. I had been wronged! My pain was real! And the only way to escape it, I thought at the time, was to fuel my addictions. Passing out every night so that I don’t dream. Waking in the morning to find my inner pain, and addictions, were still there and all too real.

Paul wrote in Roman 7:24,25 “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death? Thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord…”

The only refuge I could find from addiction, inner turmoil, heartache and pain was in Jesus Christ. I found that at any time, day or night, I could say a simple prayer and find the comfort that I sought. The more I read my Bible, the more I found that I don’t have to do all the things I had done. I also found FORGIVENESS! Armed with the knowledge of what God says is right I realized how wrong I actually had been. And that God is ready to forgive all those wrongs.

God loves us more than any of us can imagine. Not like we love. We tend to love until we are wronged. God loves past the wrong! No matter what you have done, how bad you have hurt someone or how bad you hurt, there is forgiveness and restoration for your heart and soul.

If you want to get clean and sober and STAY that way you have to make the decision that you want to. Have a talk with your Creator and tell him you want to. Tell him you can’t do this on your own and that you need His help. Tell God that you know you have wronged Him as well as others and you need to be forgiven. And ask God for His help. Pray that Christ Jesus will take over.

Now that you’ve done that please seek out a church, pastor or Christian counselor that can help you along your newfound road. Sobriety is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!

If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!

God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and your continued sobriety!

 

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3 years of Sobriety

Posted on August 16, 2010 by brianssobriety

August 10, 2010 I celebrated 3 years clean and sober. This is a monumental event in my life. I never thought I could see one or two days sober much less over 1000 days!

The following is an entry from my journal just before I gave my life to Christ and got clean:

Life is not easy, free of worry or pain nor is it warm and fuzzy. Quite the contrary. Human nature dictates that we be “Hurculean”. Holding the world atop our shoulders as would Atlas. But we are not Grecian mythological gods. We are mere human beings. We may start out strong, possessing the strength to hold the world high. But from day to day we let it slip…”Well, it’s Wednesday, I can relax a little…Now it’s Thursday, I’m tired, I can let it fall a little more.” Be this far from the truth! We must continually fight the meanness, cruelty and sharpness of addiction. Day to day we possess the burden of the colossal mistakes we have made. To find the durability within ourselves to carry out the task of sobriety will not only stregthen our body and mind but also our soul.

As I read this now I remember how much I wanted to quit drinking and doing drugs but how powerless I was to my addictions. No matter how hard I tried I never had the strength to stay sober. I could stay sober for a few days, maybe even a week but I consistently found myself back at square one, starting all over again.

One night I broke. I cried out to God and told Him I can’t do this. I am too weak and I need help. I need forgiveness just as I need to forgive. I need strength!

At that moment I new more than anything that God was with me, that He loves me, that He had forgiven me and that He was there to help me. Since then I have not had a drink, smoked cigarettes or any kind of drug, snorted or IV’d any drugs. God has delivered me from these addictions and given me a new life.

I also know that any day I could make the concious decision to return to my former life. It is a day to day decision to be sober.

Luke 9:23 “Then He said to them all,’If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me'”

Leaving addictions requires denying yourself and a daily decision.

If you want to get clean and sober and STAY that way you have to make the decision that you want to. Have a talk with your Creator and tell him you want to. Tell him you can’t do this on your own and that you need His help. Tell God that you know you have wronged Him as well as others and you need to be forgiven. And ask God for His help.

Now that you’ve done that please seek out a church, pastor or Christian counselor that can help you along your newfound road. Sobtiety is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!

If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!

God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and your continued sobriety!

 

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