It’s amazing to me as each year passes that I am still able to maintain a clean and sober life. Truly it is only by the mercy and grace of God that I am even alive and well. As I look back over my years of addiction I recall several times that I would eat pills by the handful and wash them down with whiskey. Sounds like a suicide plan but I was really trying to see just how far I could take it and just maybe my battle would end.
You see, when you have no vision for your future the present has little meaning. If you think the best thing that could happen to you is to permanently leave everything behind then daily life will have little to no significance.
With that in mind the hopelessness of a life addicted to drugs and alcohol can be overwhelming at times. Depression often sets in because you are dealing with inner feelings of utter worthlessness. Anxiety is always a close companion because you never know how long you will be without the aid of your chosen substance. Anger becomes a habitual emotion that we really don’t have skills with which to cope. This leads to aggressive behavior and the need to self medicate becomes overwhelming.
It is a vicious cycle as “they” say. Some days you have fun getting high. Others days are filled with an emotional overload and it becomes difficult to even be around people. So you isolate yourself away and that sets in motion a whole new set of problems. On the other hand you may search out others who share your desire and spontaneous need for self medication. Life becomes an extremely sensitive tick tock clock led completely by mood. One that is subject to implode at any given moment.
The feelings of failure, imperfection and shortcoming often led me to my self-destruct mode. There were times that I truthfully wanted not to plunge the needle but found myself helpless, powerless and paralyzed by the one thing that I despised at that time. The harder I would try not to get high the more I found the urgency, demand and obligation. I would look around me and see that things were pretty good for me at times. Had a decent job, a roof over my head and bills paid. But I never felt that I deserved anything good and my well exercised self-destruct mode would kick in. I would destroy every good thing in my life. From job to housing to every relationship that meant anything all would have to be broken, demolished and ruined.
The grips of addiction had me truly blinded to any hope of a future. One thing that is certain, if there is no positive outlook for your life down the road, no hope of advancement in life or no light at the end of your tunnel you will become complacent with your surroundings and there you will stay.
The Apostle Paul wrote these words:
I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
Kind of sounds exactly like what I was saying. Every time I try to do right I fall three steps backward. Every time this happens I find myself not wanting to even try to do what is right but rather the easy path of sin so that my life is easier to maintain. While in sin I can manipulate my way through each day. I can self medicate my mind to employ the emotions I desire. I can sabotage anyone who tries to disrupt or undermine my plans. But this makes me unconditionally a slave to the very thing that I know in my heart is wrong.
WHAT’S A PERSON TO DO?
The scripture from Romans continues:
Fourteen years ago I found this truth to be evident. I cried out to God and told Him I could not control this addiction and I am powerless to it. I need some kind of supernatural help to overcome my addiction. I have so many past sins that I need forgiveness from and I NEED HELP.
Here is what I found:
This is what the LORD says: “… I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations … and will bring you home again to your own land.”
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.
Therefore he is able, once and forever, to save those who come to God through him. He lives forever to intercede with God on their behalf.
But everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.
because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”
If you are in that same position with no hope, no future and a slave to sin I am here to give you hope. I was an addict for 30+ years and in an instant God came in and changed my life. He forgave me, He redeemed me and He delivered me from the grips of addiction.
To start you on the road to genuine recovery from the grips of addiction please pray with me:
Heavenly Father, I have done terrible things. I know I have sinned against You. I have sinned against others. Through Your Word tonight I see that there is hope for my life. I need Your forgiveness. I need Your restoration. I need Your deliverance. I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and I believe in my heart that You God raised him from the grave and I need to be saved. Please empower me through Your Spirit to walk out the path You are setting before me. Give me strength where I am weak. Give me words to confess You before others and to testify of Your goodness. Father God, with all of my heart I love and trust in You. Through Jesus Christ my Lord I pray, AMEN
And now I welcome you into the family and kingdom of God.
Please get yourself a Bible to read. Most of the verses I included in this Blog are from the New Living Translation (NLT). Try to search out a Bible believing church and attend regularly. Pray and thank God daily. And tell others about your new found faith.
I pray God’s highest blessings for you. If there is anything I can help you with please feel free to message me and I will do anything within my power to help
LOVE AND BLESSINGS!