October 2007 I had been clean and sober for a ninety days but that time seemed an eternity to me. I had the daily battles. Funny, I say daily but it was every second of every minute of every hour of every day that I made the “choice” to be clean and sober. And yes, it is a choice. A conscious decision.
The following is a page from my journal from October 2007:
” The decision-making process lets each individual use their free will to choose what is right or wrong for themself. Of course good and bad may differ from one person to the next. What is okay for me could be lewd to the next.
The beauty of this reality is that we each are enabled with our values which let us decide what is true and just. We also have the ability to justify our wrong-doings to appease our own conscious mind. Once this is mastered, we can say or do anything we desire and still feel within ourself that we are honorable. “
After many years of alcoholism and drug abuse I had mastered the art of justification. I had been wronged! My pain was real! And the only way to escape it, I thought at the time, was to fuel my addictions. Passing out every night so that I don’t dream. Waking in the morning to find my inner pain, and addictions, were still there and all too real.
Paul wrote in Roman 7:24,25 “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death? Thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord…”
The only refuge I could find from addiction, inner turmoil, heartache and pain was in Jesus Christ. I found that at any time, day or night, I could say a simple prayer and find the comfort that I sought. The more I read my Bible, the more I found that I don’t have to do all the things I had done. I also found FORGIVENESS! Armed with the knowledge of what God says is right I realized how wrong I actually had been. And that God is ready to forgive all those wrongs.
God loves us more than any of us can imagine. Not like we love. We tend to love until we are wronged. God loves past the wrong! No matter what you have done, how bad you have hurt someone or how bad you hurt, there is forgiveness and restoration for your heart and soul.
If you want to get clean and sober and STAY that way you have to make the decision that you want to. Have a talk with your Creator and tell him you want to. Tell him you can’t do this on your own and that you need His help. Tell God that you know you have wronged Him as well as others and you need to be forgiven. And ask God for His help. Pray that Christ Jesus will take over.
Now that you’ve done that please seek out a church, pastor or Christian counselor that can help you along your newfound road. Sobriety is a new journey for some of us and we need all the direction we can get!
If you don’t know where to turn please leave me a comment and I will direct you in the right direction!
God bless each and every one of you who share this struggle and my prayer for you is to accept Christ into you heart and your continued sobriety!